


100 minutes of hypnosis

by AydeePraysForDahmer



Category: Better Call Saul (TV)
Genre: Drug Addiction, F/M, References to Drugs, Slow Burn, Smut, Very strange AU, drug addiction treatment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:09:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26976397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AydeePraysForDahmer/pseuds/AydeePraysForDahmer
Summary: Enough of drugs.You just want to start over and when you have nowhere to go, an old friend offered to you a place to stay.And guess whose house it is...
Relationships: Ignacio "Nacho" Varga/Original Female Character(s), Ignacio "Nacho" Varga/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	100 minutes of hypnosis

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AngelicEclair](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelicEclair/gifts).



> Happy birthday! 
> 
> Just read and enjoy if you can.

It was too much. I did something that not very much addicts can do, and realize how bad it actually is. You have no money, nothing like home, family lost, as in my case, they are long after death and it is not my fault, fortunately. Your mind is focused on nothing but drugs. That is what is the meaning of your life. Everything else is not important. Everything will be solved somehow. The drug will be gotten somehow. Who needs food? Who needs a bed? All you need is the old mattress over there in the alley, some cover to protect against the rain, and everything is fine.

You would do anything for drugs. But I've never really lowered myself to this. How many times have I been offered for a bit of that "company". I didn't take drugs long enough to fall so low and sell myself. I was lucky to know it was too much. Drugs weren't enough to destroy my face, body and mind as much as my other friends. There just came a moment when I said to myself, “Enough! I can't live like this. I can not do it. I see girls as old as me on the street. They are happy even without drugs. Why not me? I have drugs but I am not happy. I want a place where I will return and feel safe. I don't want to live in selfishness all the time and steal from the people who have been closest to me for years. " I decided on a pretty big change that could cause an even bigger fall in the process. If I make a mistake, I'm done, but my determination has been greater than ever. I made an imaginary list of all the steps I had to do. The first was that I had to find a place to return to. Something like ... home.

I didn't want to go to any homes for girls like me. I have never had a good feeling about it. While wandering around the city with a bag of a few things, I came across Jo. The girl I met at a party few times. She was very nice. She was still in it, but she made a great offer for me.

"Look, my friend Amber and I live in the same home with a guy who owns it. It's very nice. Maybe there would be a place for you there. ”

I guess I should have thought of it first, but I was too tired and desperate to turn down the roof over my head. Unlike Jo, I looked awful. Apparently she lived well, so it probably wouldn't be a bad place. On the way there, I was ashamed more and more. But I'll fix it ... I'll get a job somewhere, buy new clothes.

Yeah, she pulled me in the door and I almost cried that I could really live somewhere. But as I expected, Jo didn't tell me everything.

"Nacho, honey! Please please! Can she live here with us? ”

I should have thought about it more. I stood face to face with the man who glared at me with a completely stony look. I doubted he smiler ever. He didn't seem to have a problem breaking my neck in a few seconds. Whoever it was, he wasn't a normal guy. It was clear what he was doing. And even clearer why Jo and Amber are here with him, who appeared at that moment only in a long T-shirt and with glass eyes.

"Who the hell is that?" he asked in a voice higher than I expected. I lowered my eyes in embarrassment.

,,A friend of mine! We know her! Don't worry, she's very kind. She has nowhere to go! Please!" Jo begged exaggeratedly.

I shifted from one foot to the other and wanted to say something ... apologize ... say hello or ... explain why I actually came, but Jo wouldn't let me speak. He didn't look away from me the whole time, whether he was contemptuous or not. My voice stuck in my throat and my legs were shaking. I was afraid of men ... Always.

Everything came together for my taste too quickly. In my faint fit of anxiety, I caught snippets of sentences in which this "Nacho," as Jo calls him, told both of them that no girl friends would come here without his knowledge, but he was eventually persuaded. Or rather, he seemed to not care anymore and left. I felt guilty, though I had no idea how to stand up to a man who was probably a gangster and giving Jo and Amber drugs.

"He is like this often. It will be good. If you're good, he'll leave you here and give you something. " Amber winks at me.

So that meant I could be here for now. But what they told me drove me crazy. They expected me to want drugs from him. I had no idea exactly how it went here, but I felt it wasn't a good idea. Amber and Jo liked almost anything for drugs.

I could have slept on the couch, but that was all. I didn't even demand anything more. I put my bag somewhere in the corner and after a thorough shower I asked the girls how much they were probably renting to Nacho.

They looked at me longer than I liked, and then they laughed.

"You're funny." they laughed and returned to watching TV.

  
  


I felt terrible.

I didn't want to trade the roof over my head for opening my legs for this guy. And not drugs at all. But I was more afraid of succumbing and allowing it. And much more afraid of what would happen once he returned. How am I going to explain to him who I am? I'm nobody…

I didn't want to sit inside and look at the blank glances of Amber and Jo. I had to find a job. I searched the newspaper for ads left by someone on the bench and a few bulletin boards. I was able to find a few phone numbers. Warehouses, bars, sunken restaurants at the end of town. Someone like me can't do anything better. I dug up some change and dialed the numbers at the phone booth and asked about job. They were already full in warehouses and they wanted a CV and personal meetings for other places.

I went back in the evening and knocked carefully on the door. Jo opened it for me, who didn't even recognize how high she was. Nacho was said to be back, but he went to bed. I rested and tried to fall asleep on my own.

I woke up in the morning before the others. I dropped out of the house as fast as I could and spent time outside before I got to the interviews. I finally got a job in a small restaurant far from the house, but not much to get back and forth on my own. I was so glad that I got the job. However, another problem was Nacho. I had to talk to him about what was going to happen.

I walked into the house and Amber opened the door for me. Nacho was there, calmly watching TV with Jo lying on his shoulder. He didn't even look at me. I felt weird, but again I couldn't speak.

A few weeks passed and everything went better than I expected. I had no states of lusting for drugs. I was tired after work, but satisfied. I was doing something that made sense, and in addition to my normal salary, I also had some food to take with me. I started going to some cultural house in the city for anonymous gatherings, where drug addicts and alcoholics went. They often took turns or did not come at all. I was probably the only one who went there regularly.

As for Ignacio,which was his real name, I changed just a few words with him. But he began to look at me suspiciously. He expected me to meet Amber and Jo and still be in the house. He didn't ask me. I don't know if he was interested. Maybe it was better that way. I hope I can play a quiet household. That evening, I asked the girls to lend me the keys to the apartment. They probably didn't remember, and Jo didn't even look for her keys. I think it will be safer with me than with her.

A few days later, I returned in the evening and there was something in the living room that I definitely didn't want to be during it. The problem was that I had no idea where I would sleep. I was so exhausted ... Despite my misty eyes, I noticed Jo and Amber groping for Nacho. I didn't need to see this. I crawled into the kitchen and fell asleep on the table. The next day I just woke up in time for work.

On the days off, I sat with Amber and Jo. It was such a test of courage. Resist the temptation. And I did well. I saw with my eyes clean and clear. I knocked lightly, but I couldn't believe I was like them. If only I could do something for them ... but it was their choice and not mine.

Suddenly, Nacho came back. I jumped up and looked at him, frightened. He looked back at me and measured me suspiciously again. The girls barely noticed that he had returned. It wasn't until he threw a few packages on the table that they woke up from their day-dreaming and drew on him and smiled sweetly.

I knew what it was. The question was, what was I supposed to do? I didn't want any of it. I should be here now, who will pay him for being here, for example. But I haven't exchanged even half a word with him sinceI was here. He wasn't here all the time ... and as I noticed, he didn't even care about the company the girls mostly provided him with. He was still quiet and serious. Not that I was any different. Should I take it? Will he be offended if I don't? Before I changed my mind, the girls took everything apart and went to get another glass pipe of that crap. Nacho stood there, looking at them for a moment, then at me again. But my stupid anxiety didn't help me in any expression or movement. It was like this until he left the house.

"What's wrong with you, girl?" Jo asked, her eyes narrowed. I didn't know what to do. I just started talking, even though I didn't expect anything very rational from them.

"I'm done with this. I don't know what to tell him and what to do. "

"Then don't do anything. We took you here and he doesn't care about everything. If he would be angry, he'd send you right away. If you don't want your share, we'll be happy to take it. " she grinned and left. That was more rational than I expected. And I decided to stick with it.

My abstinence was starting to have quite severe consequences. I was irritated and exhausted. I still managed that. I was more annoyed by the terrible fatigue. I couldn't sleep just on the principle that there were drugs in that house that I could have too. Or was it because Amber, Jo, and Nacho were there? The girls were fine, but he still scared me. He still looks at me with that suspicious look. He seemed to be constantly bothered by something, but it was none of my business. I've had enough of my worries. There were bouts of anxiety and emotion. At night, I sometimes cried in the bathroom so that no one could hear me. Sometimes even at work in a stock room. Memories of my dead family, schoolmates, and ex-friends came spontaneously. To everything beautiful even before I got involved with the wrong group and destroyed everything. My apathy disappeared and instead I was hypersensitive and devastated. I often went outside to clear my head and not have to be in the house.

Every time something like this came to me, I compared it to how I'm getting better now. I didn't have anything to eat until two months ago, but now I look better. I take care of myself as best I can. Don't feel like it, every day is better.

The other waitresses at work started talking to me. I suddenly had people I could talk to and it was nice. The boss was happy with me. 

One evening before closing time, a boy in a green T-shirt was sitting at a table. He was the only one, but we still let him sit. I was going to wipe the counter when the door opened. Two men came in. The first was tall in a light shirt the moment the other one stepped inside, I just hid behind the counter. It was Nacho.

I hid as if he shouldn´t see me. But did it matter? But what if it was something? I just wasn't able to step out of my hideout. Fortunately, I was not the last waitress in the restaurant that day, so my colleague ran there after giving me a strange look. I crept into the kitchen, trying not to sneak.

"Do you know them?" she asked me suspiciously as she returned to me.

"One ... maybe. I didn't do anything, I swear, just… ”

"You don't have to tell me, that's good. I also hide from my ex. ” she laughed.

I wanted to say something, but I let it be. Whoever Nacho came up with didn't seem like a friendly conversation. He looked around the restaurant for a moment, as if he knew something was going on, but he just didn't know what. Fortunately, he didn't notice anything. They left later.

I left work with relative calm. It wasn't until I got to the house that I heard that this would probably be another night when I couldn't sleep. But I decided not to mess around and went to eat dinner.

Amber swayed from the bedroom topless and leaned against the kitchen door frame.

"What are you doing here alone? … ”She asked breathlessly.

I shrugged and ignored her.

"He asked about you," she whispered with a wide smile. I slowly raised my head to her.

"If you're too scared ... he can be gentle if he wants to."

I took a sharp breath.

"I'm sorry, but not really ... just not."

"From what I saw a year ago, you were also avoiding those guys there. Have you ever had someone or are you still- ”

I stopped her before she could continue. But I guess I got one of my weak moments again and said something I wouldn't normally tell anyone.

"Look, I just can´t, you know ?? I can't ... I don't know if I want to or if I'm disturbed, but I can't do what normal people do. "

In my drug career, I was very lucky not to be raped. Maybe that was one of the reasons I wanted to quit. The panicked horror of being dragged away by someone somewhere. I thought that if I will be high enough, I would overcome some of the barriers I have had since childhood. But I have never stopped being afraid of people. And at the thought, I felt like crying again. There was suddenly silence in the house.

I ran to the bathroom and apologized to Amber before I cried. I sat there in the shower for a while and was ashamed to go out. When I decided to do so, Amber and Jo were lying on the couch with Nacho and watching TV. They were both asleep, except for him. In the light of the television, it seemed to me that his face was no longer as dark as always when he looked at me. But I didn't want to study it any longer. To avoid an even more embarrassing situation, I left the house and returned much later. Almost everything could be heard in that damn house.

The next day I went for a break at work for a few minutes walk. I changed so it wouldn't look weird and wandered around the city as normal. At work, the girls suggested to me if I ever wanted to go for a drink with them. It was a nice offer, but I was horrified, given what kind of party I was used to. I passed a store with some cars. I had no idea what it was, but I was struck by what I saw. Respectively ... who.

It was Nacho. And in uniform. That he would really work normally? But where did he get all this? He talked to the older man and even smiled. But my instinct for self-preservation took control, and I ran away before anyone noticed me. I thought about it until the evening when I returned to the house. I wanted to unlock the door when it opened on its own and I jumped in fright. Nacho stood in them, looking at me as usual.

"How was at work in the restaurant, huh?" he asked in a strange tone. I swallowed, and probably quite obviously. He knew very well what I was doing and where I was going.

"You didn't think I'd let you live here and not know what you were doing."

He'll kick me out. Certainly. Or worse. No, he probably wouldn't do that. He didn't do anything to the girls. I couldn't talk again.

"Come in, stop standing there like that."

He went to the living room and it took me a while to recover. This was the longest conversation I've had with him yet. Actually, I didn't say anything at all…

Amber and Jo were gone. That drove me a little crazy. I had no idea whether to say something or just keep quiet and look after myself.

Nacho was calling to someone for a while, but I didn't understand what he was saying. I took some food to the kitchen and stood with my back to it. He came to see me after the call, but said nothing. And I didn't turn around. Fucking anxiety. Fucking meth. Fucking life.

"Watch out for Jo. Sometimes, she exaggerates it. "

And I just nodded and didn't turn. Whatever he may think of me, it won't be good. But he said nothing more and did not sound upset. On the contrary, very carefully.

He left and I could breathe normally again. I wondered how long I would last like this and if I could get through this. Somehow…

As if Nacho was really predicting it, Jo had meth after coming home and had a little more than usual. She started banging on things, and Amber just watched blankly on TV as usual. At that moment, all I knew was that I had to entertain her somehow. I found the toy boxes Amber had mentioned and pulled out some puzzles I found inside. I talked calmly to her and sat her down at the table. When she was busy, all she had to do was clean up. Of those meth, I had other anxieties and desires to get myself, so I had to keep my mind busy. In the end, I cleaned the whole living room, kitchen, bathroom and dared to go to the bedroom. The girls weren't in a position to do anything, so I cooked them some rice and chicken and made them eat it.

Nacho didn't come back for a long time and Jo was fine. They both fell asleep in front of the television, and I covered them with blanket out of some strange protective instinct. I sat on the ground, my back against the couch. I was fascinated by a documentary about the ocean, which kept me busy for a few hours. Fatigue did not come until I heard footsteps.

Ignacio looked around the living room. Even in the darkness, he knew it was tidy and Amber and Jo were taken care of.

,,Hello." I greeted softly so as not to wake the girls, and realized to myself that I had managed to utter a coherent word. He looked at me in surprise and smiled.

,,Hello."

,,Are you hungry?"

Nacho nodded uncertainly, as if deciding whether to tell me the truth or a lie. With the unusual confidence that suddenly came to me, I took him to the kitchen and offered him some rice, and I took some as well. We ate in silence, but this time it was a pleasant and quiet silence, when I was not afraid to even look him in the eye and smile.

And he too.

  
  


Nacho knew I didn't want meth and that I wouldn't keep him that type of company as the girls. But what I convinced him about was that for letting me live there, I would clean, wash and cook when the girls weren't productive. I brought some food from work here and there, which I hid for Ignacio. I bought a new black jacket, pants and comfortable shoes, which I was happy about. I didn't enjoy watching TV all the time, so I bought a few books and started reading. When I was younger, I loved books and having them felt great again. On days off, I read, cleaned at home or went for a walk. Nacho was at home more often than before and we started to have more fun together. I stopped being afraid of the communication barrier and talked to him. He asked me how I knew the girls, where I was born and what brought me here. He carefully asked me what had led me to stop taking drugs. He sounded so careful and really interested. My first impression of him was probably wrong, but I still didn't know enough about him. I also confessed to him that I saw him in the store. He told me it is upholstery and he is helping his dad in there. I didn't want to ask him what he was doing ... I knew.

Some days he sat in the living room and had meth with the girls. I apologized to him for having to go for a walk. He understood and told me to be careful. Nobody told me this for a long time and it warmed my heart. Maybe he's really worried about me. When I returned, he was still sitting shirtless in the living room, looking down at the dejected gaze. I quietly asked him if he was okay. For some reason, I wondered if something had happened between him and the girls. They were probably asleep and probably had something to do with them before I came back. 

He did not answer my question. He seemed to be still on the trip. I wanted to bring him something to drink, but for the first time he did something that almost drove me crazy. He touched me. Rather, he grabbed my hand, and from his gesture I realized he wanted me to sit next to him. He stared into my eyes for a long time, gently gripping my wrist. Then he looked at his hand and mine, as if suddenly realizing what he was doing, but he wouldn't let me go. He stroked my forearm lightly, as if I was the most fragile thing in the world. Instead of flinching, I let him. He had pleasant hands ... He said my name that sounded so beautiful from his mouth that I began to feel what he was telling me.

"Who hurt you?"

“What do you mean?" I didn't understand and felt my heart beating.

"I heard your conversation with Amber."

Although I knew he heard it, he didn't confess to it. Just right now.

"You don't want to let anyone in ... Who hurt you? Did he force you into something you didn't want? Did he rape you? ”

I didn't seem to understand him, even though he spoke clearly and distinctly that he was obviously out of his mind. I almost took his words very personally before I understood their true meaning. It was as if meth had given him the courage to ask these questions aloud. Maybe he was really worried when he asked me all about it. He wanted to show empathy ... He wanted to calm me down. He hoped so. He meant well.

"It's all in my head. No one hurt me… ”I replied. However, I regretted the first sentence. Maybe if someone really hurt me, it would be easier to explain. Easier to understand. I almost don't understand myself that way.

Ignacio seemed to be really thinking about my words, but he shook his head.

"It's not possible ... Someone must have hurt you for the first time. You didn't like it… ”

He didn't understand my words either. It was hard for me to explain, but I tried to be patient and calm down.

"No one could hurt me because it never happened." I said softly, as if ashamed of it. Nacho stopped and stared into my eyes for a long time. His gaze wasn't unpleasant to me ... not like the first time.

“Never?" he asked, as if it were the most absurd thing ever.

I tried to lighten the situation and smiled.

"I never even got a kiss from a boy."

And I didn't add another detail, and that was that practically no one even held my hand like Ignacio.

But the smile faded from my face when I saw his serious expression. Did I say something wrong? This is not such a serious matter. Plus, it's my business.

Nacho looked serious at first, and then his eyes rolled to my lips. I knew what he would ask or what he would like to do. I smiled at him and stood up.

"I can't, Nacho. Sorry… ”

Suddenly, his whole world seemed to collapse. He seemed to cry, but it was just a misconception. He just nodded, then went to the bedroom.

He returned for the night a few days later, but he was paler than normal. His eyes were covered in blood, and he walked slowly and carefully, as if afraid of falling.

"Nacho?"

When I said his name, he gave me another surprised look. His face ached with pain from every move he made. My protective nature took control of me again and I carefully took him to the bedroom, where I helped him undress. His T-shirt was soaked in blood and he had it everywhere. But not all of it was probably his. With the first aid kit on the bed, I treated the wound on his side and a few scratches on his head. It was just an ugly scratch, but apparently he had a slight shock and was exhausted.

I let him lie down and wrapped him in a blanket. I wanted to call him an ambulance so much, but something told me he wouldn't let me. He needed peace, and I was getting up to leave.

"Stay here with me. Please. "

How could I refuse? Even after that conversation in the living room with him, I kept getting closer to him. He was quiet and didn't talk much, but we had that in common. We talked to each other with gestures, looks and now even touches. He was getting closer to me than Amber and Jo had ever been to me.

I sat down on the bed next to him and held his hand. He was grateful for that. He tried to breathe deeply, as if he was still shocked by what had happened, whatever it was.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked. When he shook his head carefully, I didn't push him.

"I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable. I got ... probably carried away. I'm sorry if I touched you when I- ”

"You don't have to apologize," I stopped him. "It's okay ... I can't now, but ... give me time."

He looked at me as if to make sure what exactly I meant. It was enough to confirm it with one gesture, for which I gathered courage for a while. I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. He wasn't as pale as before.

"I want to ask you something, but you can refuse if you don't like it. Will you lie here with me? ”

In five minutes I changed my clothes and lay down next to him. I checked every now and then how he felt. But he slept more calmly than he had looked before. I thought I should let him sleep alone, but I was exhausted and I lay next to him so nicely that I stayed there with him until morning.

  
  


It took Nacho to fully recover, some time, but I spent as much time as I could with him. He even wanted to walk with me when I wanted to go out. We went more often and he even came to work for me. I earned a few surprised looks from the girls there, but I didn't comment on that. Nacho suddenly made time for me when he could, and we held hands during one of the short night walks. It wasn't until that evening back home that I started thinking about it all. I also felt a little jealous of Amber and Jo. And also doubts as to whether this could be real. What if I become one of them ... what if I fall into it again? It was hard. I felt panicked again and anxious about everything around me. I wanted to sleep. As long as possible.

I took the whole couch to myself while the girls were in the kitchen cooking something. When Nacho found me there, he seemed to be really worried. He stroked my hair and asked me if I felt well. How was I supposed to explain it to him? Even the simplest conversations was a problem for me. Apparently he probably already knew ... I apologized to him for taking up the whole couch, but Nacho just smiled and went to bed.

I was thirsty in the middle of the night. The house was quiet, except for Ignacio's bedroom. I could wonder what was going on before I peeked inside. He was in bed with the girls and they were in the middle of something that scared me at first, given my restraint over physical contact, but then completely sent me to the bottom. Why should I be jealous? Why, when I know for myself that I wouldn't be able to do this ... That I don't know if I could ever be with anyone. But I'm jealous ... I was sad.

If I left now, they would hear it. All I had to do was lie down and just fall asleep. It wasn't that easy anymore. At least I tried to cry silently so no one would hear.

  
  
  


I didn't want to have lunch at work, so I decided to go for a walk and eat elsewhere. I came across a small Mexican restaurant where almost no one was. It looked nice there and I was getting more and more hungry.

"Welcome, little one! What can I do for you? ”

A tall man with black hair and a mustache emerged from the kitchen. He had a wide smile and his eyes shone in a strangely crazy way that scared me at first, but his friendly tone was pleasant to me.

"I hope I didn't come at the wrong time," I said softly, looking around the empty restaurant.

"Not at all, quite the opposite. Whatever you want, angel. ” he kept smiling and looking at me from head to toe. I had no idea what to say and I just smiled innocently and chose food. When I thanked him, he introduced himself as Lalo.

"Cute name!" he said when I introduced myself to him.

He was singing something in Spanish and here and there he asked me something and I had no choice but to answer. I felt a little uneasy, but he was quite nice and funny. When he packed my food for me, I was looking for money in my bag.

"Let it be, this is up to house, dear." he smiled and took my hand. I froze and laughed nervously.

"No, I don´t think I should..." I stammered.

"But no way. I was honored! ”

He raised my hand and kissed it before I realized what he wanted to do. It was a nice gesture, but I really wasn't used to it and I was afraid I would have an anxiety attack. Despite the frantic flow of my own thoughts, I did not hear the door slam. Only the voice that spoke my name took me out of the trance.

Ignacio was standing in front of us, and I couldn't tell if he looked scared or upset. Probably both. I was so taken aback that I lost my voice again.

,, Nachito! Do you two know each other? Your lady? ” Lalo laughed.

The two obviously knew each other, and Lalo's nickname for Ignacio surprised me. Nacho ignored his questions and kept looking at me.

,,What are you doing here?"

"II-I ... I had a break and wanted to go somewhere else," I said softly, surprised that I could speak.

"Ignacio, calm down. Why the drama? ”

Lalo seemed to be having a great time, but Nacho took it very seriously. I didn't understand why.

"I should probably leave." I whispered. "I have to get back to work anyway."

I quickly apologized and ran out of the restaurant.

I felt terribly embarrassed.

I stayed at work and helped with the cleaning. Apparently it was because I didn't want to see Ignacio yet, even though it was inevitable. But the meeting with him came sooner than I thought.

"Uh - .. Ignacio!" I screamed when I found him standing in front of the restaurant.

He stood leaning against the hood of his car in a leather jacket and an inaccessible expression on his face, as always.

"I'm taking us home."

I didn´t say anything and got inside the car. The ride didn't last long, but before I could get out, he stopped me.

"I didn't want to scare you there in the restaurant. I was just surprised and ... Lalo is ... We've known each other for a while and he's not exactly the person he looks at first glance. "

I was afraid I had done something, but it wasn't.

"I appreciate you trying to ... protect me?" I tried, and his faint nod confirmed this assumption.

"But I'm not a little girl either. He was really weird. Nice, but I didn't really plan to start anything. Why did it upset you so much? ”

"I didn't mean to say you're a little girl, I just ... I just had no idea what was going on. Some initial reaction. I just wanted to apologize for the way I behaved there. ”

I nodded and naively asked myself, would he be jealous?

"Thank you, Ignacio. I really appreciate it." I smiled and he returned my smile. It was beautiful to see him smile and know he didn't do much. I felt exceptional.

I didn't realize we'd been sitting there for over a minute just looking at each other. And none of us minded. Then Nacho swallowed suddenly and seemed to be bothered.

"Do you want to tell me something?" I asked quietly, the craziest scenarios swirling in my head.

"You know, I ... It'll sound pretty ... unreal to me. But I wanted to tell you that… ”

And just like in the movies, he was interrupted by a ringing phone. He apologized and looked at the screen.

,,It's my dad. I should pick it up. ”

,,Sure! I'll wait inside. " I smiled and got out of the car.

But this conversation will return. I knew it will. I don't know when or where, but it's probably something really personal. Something he won't even say in front of Amber and Jo ... The question is whether it's something good or bad. I couldn't recognize it.

Before Nacho arrived, I changed and offered Amber and Jo, who were sitting at the puzzled table, the food I had brought from work. They looked quite sane.

"Did he bring you?" Amber asked with a smile I would easily liken to a fox.

,, Um ... Nacho? Yeah."

"It's about time. Sometimes I don't know if he's really that shy or just playing. Normally not. "

I looked at her confused.

,,What's going on? I don't know anything. He just brought me. ”

I spoke faster again than I thought. My heart pounded when Amber told me that. After all, Ignacio and I were outside ... holding hands for a while, and we didn't even think about it. Like we've been doing this our whole lives.

"That's just one of the few things. But sometimes you don't sleep with him. You should have heard him a few days ago. He doesn't talk much, but when he says your name during sex with us, it was really funny! ” Amber laughed.

I swallowed.

And a chill ran down my spine. Amber laughed. I wouldn't expect such a reaction to something like that, but the girls basically didn't care about Ignacio until they got meth from him and they give it back to him this way. There is no rivalry or jealousy between them. She looked rather excited.

"Amber, what are you saying? Are you kidding? ”

,,Not at all! He's terribly cute when he talks about you or you're around him. It's not as inaccessible as ever. His stony expression and constant silence. He starts to smile like a little boy, and when he thinks of you, sex with him is all the more fun because he imagines you and it's so terribly cute! ”

Nothing she told me seemed cute to me. I found it rather tactless towards him. It sounded like he was desperate, but it probably wasn't. And it didn't seem to me that Amber was so sane that she could say something like that. And her enthusiasm ... It was so awfully weird. It supported my naivete. But what if it's exactly as she describes it?

But what if it means ... that for Ignacio, I'm nothing but another girl he can sleep with?

"Please, Amber. Are you crazy or are you really serious? ” I asked quietly.

"You've always been such an innocent little naive girl. Sometimes I envy you that you are still a virgin. Lose it with someone really special. I spread my legs to the guy who offered me meth. ”

What Amber was explaining to me was a little confusing. I didn't know if she should take it personally or if I just didn't feel sorry for her. The thought flashed through my mind that someone she had lost was Ignacio, but I just didn't believe it. But I didn't really know him…

"Be nice to her! She is afraid of people and especially men! Some were really pigs. " she muttered, looking not at me but behind me.

And just what she said meant Nacho must have finished the call.

I looked behind me.

He stood there still dressed in his jacket, looking at Amber. And he didn't really look excited. He stared at Amber with such anger and amazement that I had never seen in him. These two emotions alternated in him. He must have heard enough.

But Amber had his anger stolen. She continued calmly with the food I had brought, and Jo probably hadn't noticed me since I came back. That's why Nacho gave me his next look. And he looked ... completely devastated. Ashamed and sad. Because of yourself? Or because of me?

"Will you let me explain?" he asked.

I closed both eyes and took a deep breath. I'm so naive. Amber fooled around the constant seduction and interpreted most things completely wrong. Now Ignacio will want to explain to me that this is not the case and that he does not feel anything to me. He may admit that he liked my appearance a little, but that's all. Feelings are not ... Just sex. I hate that word.

,,It's alright. I understand it. I'll probably go to bed… ”

I said it faster than I intended and it was obvious that I was upset.

"Wait, you don't understand. You misinterpreted it… ”

But I was already leaving the dining room at that time and I ran into the bathroom. I undressed and took a shower. I wanted to stay calm all night again so I wouldn't have to face them. But I'm not a child. I put a towel around me and unlocked the door. Nacho stood a few inches from me, leaning against the wall with a glass of whiskey in his hand.

"For God's sake!" I shouted and jumped.

"You scared me!" I said, as if it weren't clear enough.

Ignacio watched me with narrowed eyes, and it flashed through my head how much he had drunk in the time I had in the bathroom. It seemed at least enough to say something he would regret tomorrow. Or worse.

,,You smell nice." he said softly.

I smiled forcedly. "What will it be ..."

"You didn't understand. Come to me."

I blinked and swallowed.

"At least let me change."

"You're wearing enough."

,,I don´t. Please let me. ”

Ignacio sighed, but then smiled anyway. He drank the rest of the glass and laid it on the table.

,,I want to hug you."

"You should lie down."

"Only if you lie down with me."

"But I want to get dressed first."

"The girls are lying with me and wearing nothing."

"I'm not them!"

I said the last sentence quite emphatically. I was beginning to worry about what would happen. I didn't believe Ignacio would hurt me, but again, after this brief guess, I felt a sting of jealousy and sadness. It gave me the courage to defend myself and not just stand and be silent. He just wants me in bed.

"I don't want you to be like them! I just ... I really like you. ” he howled desperately and rubbed his eyes.

"Did you tell them too before you turned them into whores?"

"Listen! I know it looks really bad and that what I'm saying probably doesn't make much sense to you, but ”.”

If I didn't have the crazy feeling that he didn't really care so much about me, I would hug him and I wouldn't care if I only wore a towel. But the fear and anxiety were terrible. No matter how many times they have saved me from trouble, they hold me back in many ways.

"I like you too, Ignacio, but how do I know I'm not one of the girls like Amber and Jo for you?"

"They mainly want meth. That's what they want, but this is the only way they can pay me back. I didn't care until you came. I was beginning to realize that you were not just another girl living here with me. ”

My heart pounded and tears welled up in my eyes. Is it true? Is he really serious? But in my mind I shouted. Why do I have to act like a teenage girl?

"It's hard to take it that way when I know you still have something to do with them," I whispered, looking down. It was their business…

"I ... it's not like that. It was something else… ”

It sounded like a rather strange excuse.

"Ignacio, I don't want to preach to you here or dig into things I don't care about. It's just weird what you're telling me and I don't know what to think. I don't know interpersonal relationships and not people at all. Sometimes I'm overly naive, but I'm happy for being honest. I know I've broken into your life in a really brazen way, but I promise that once I earn enough for my apartment or something, I'll leave and not bother you with this anymore. But don't expect me to do anything like girls. I'll give you money, just tell me how much and- ”

"I don't want money! I was pretty embarrassed that night and didn't want to go into anything, but Amber and Jo insisted, so I let them do what they wanted. In doing so, I asked about you. I still care about you and I have remorse for it, but I'm actually in interpersonal relationships just like you. I never understood them much more… ”

This still sounded so much…. I didn't know what to think. Not really. I was confused and tired.

"At first I didn't believe you because I suspected that someone had hired you. I don't work in the industry where I can trust people. The distrust is in my nature, but you convinced me otherwise. ”

I knew it would be so. This didn't surprise me so much.

"How do you know what you feel for me is something ... bigger?" I asked, but I had no idea if the question was more aimed at myself.

"You just know that"

You just know that.

Nacho sat on the bed and hid his head in his hands. He seemed to regret everything he said now. Or at least as he said it. I didn't move and looked at him. I should calm him down. Put the hand on his shoulder or say something. But I was a little lost by myself.

"I'm sorry about all this. I know I'm not a good person, but… ”

,,Silence." I said tenderly.

He looked at me. He looked into my eyes as if searching for something in them.

"You should go to bed. Rest ... and so do I. ”

He nodded wordlessly and went to change. I left the bedroom and put on a long T-shirt. The sofa was occupied by Amber and Jo, who both fell asleep on it. I didn't want to wake them, but I was tired. But this situation was a good excuse to try one thing…

I returned to Ignacio's bedroom. He lay shirtless on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He looked at me like I was something ... more? I guess.

"Could I lie down with you?"

He swallowed, not sure if he'd heard well or not. He nodded quickly.

I closed the door and crawled under the duvet. There I just found out how cold I actually was.

"Thank you," I said, closing my eyes. It didn't seem to me that Nacho had fallen asleep before I did.

And that's how it went the next night.

And another too.

My place was suddenly not on the couch, but after a few weeks I slept with Ignacio in bed quite naturally.

One day in the middle of the night, I felt him try to press against me and put his arm around my waist. I let him, and it was as if I was shaking in my sleep and curling up more towards him. It didn't scare me at all. My fear of physical contact was suddenly gone. As if it had never been here. Without realizing it, we slept huddled together every night. I sometimes held his hand or hugged him like I was afraid he would run away. Sometimes Amber and Jo fell asleep in bed. We left them and moved to the couch, where Ignacio and I were lying on top of each other. Or we watched a movie together in the middle of the night while sticking to each other. We also sometimes had a few glasses of whiskey and laughed at every stupidity. We both really laughed ... And then I just stared at him stupidly and in love before I leaned over and kissed him.

That's how we started kissing at night before going to bed. He basically taught me ... He showed me how and where to go. Sometimes I was nervous, but he always calmed me down. First it was on the lips, then on the neck, and it went on and on. He kissed me not only in bed, but also when he returned home. Or just on the couch.

The steps were small, but we didn't push each other. It was like holding hands. It just came easily and naturally. When one evening one of us wasn't in the mood for it or was tired, the other sensed it and it was okay. We just held on and that was enough for that moment.

Whenever I saw him, my heart pounded and I looked forward to him hugging me again and hiding me. I can't describe the feeling of safety I felt thanks to him.

"What are you doing?” he asked, a little taken aback as I began to take off my shirt one evening.

,,I'm hot. Do you mind?"

".... No ... certainly not."

He looked more insecure now than I did. After such a time with him, it suddenly didn't seem strange to me at all. Then I understood why he was so surprised. All my life I hadn't been able to touch anyone, let alone change in front of anyone, and now I had thrown away my clothes as if I were no one here. Ignacio looked as if he had never seen a naked woman in his life. But maybe it was really me. I wasn't other girls. Not for him.

It was the first time that night that I had slept with him in bed, practically naked. And then he did too. After a few nights, I let him touch me wherever he wanted. It was something completely new for me, so I was flooded with more waves of uncertainty and fear that I would do something wrong. But he always went for it very slowly. He gave me time to get used to it. His patience with me touched me and at the same time aroused in me the remorse that I was bothering him like this.

I suddenly went about it spontaneously.

Before Ignacio returned, I cooked food for Amber and Jo. He then gave them more packages, and they immediately grabbed them and went for glass pipes. At that moment, he looked at me and smiled wearily.

,,Are you tired?"

I smiled and nodded.

Sleep was suddenly the most beautiful thing in the world.

As we both lay down, Ignacio stroked my hair and asked me what my day was like. That he likes my voice. Then he fell asleep. I lay with my back to him and he held my waist with his left arm. I dared to do it for a moment. I put my hand on his and held on to him for a moment. He was calm, but my heart was beating like a hummingbird´s.

I took his hand gently and moved it from my waist to my chest.

Ignacio's quick breathing told me he was no longer asleep. He probably thought he had done it in his sleep, and he quickly wanted to put his hand away, but my tighter grip convinced him otherwise. He hesitated for a moment, but then stroked my chest as if he normally did.

Goosebumps jumped at the thought of what he could do to me.

"I've never-"

,,I know. You don't have to… ”

,,But I want to."

I turned my head to him and looked into my eyes. What could a girl like me give him when he could have basically whatever he ever wanted? But he seemed as special to him as it was to me. He shared it with me. I was someone irreplaceable to him. It was hard for me to believe it…

As Nacho reached over to the bedside table and pulled out a small package, I began to tremble with anticipation. I bit my lower lip and watched it unfold.

What did I expect from that? 

Nacho turned me on his back. He didn't wait for anything and started kissing me tenderly. No hurry. That suited me. I wanted to give him what he wanted, but I still had the quiet voice in my head that he whispered to me constantly about how bad everything was. Were it not for Ignacio's tolerance and patience, I would lose against everything. But I wouldn't go into this if I knew I didn't want to. But I want ... really much.

He liked it when I touched his neck and chest. I understood this by taking both of my hands gently and placing them on top of each other. Normally this didn't happen much. When we were out there, he held my hand, but otherwise he usually had a distance. It was different here. He moved higher and higher as he stroked my groin and with gentle touches. Then I felt his fingers inside me. I took a deep breath and hid my face in his chest. It was only for a while before I got used to it. Nacho whispered words of comfort to me. When I knew I wanted more, he knew it. He put my legs around his waist and pulled me into a sitting position.

Ignacio was a man who had given me more confidence lately than anyone ever. And I wanted to repay him accordingly. I returned the kisses to the best of my ability, and Ignacio became more and more open and relaxed than I did.

Nothing was rushed and, on the contrary, everything went so naturally. Here and there some hesitation or clumsy movement, which we both laughed softly, and then continued. Then it was suddenly so uncertain and not. I just enjoyed the silence around me with the breath of Ignacio. There was nothing but the two of us.

I didn't have enough strength in my legs to show my own initiative, but he didn't expect that from me either. During one long kiss, he began to break into me slowly. So slowly that I didn't feel any intense pain. Just unusual pressure, which I enjoyed later. Once he was all inside me, I let out a delightful moan from which I blushed. This is me? I pressed my lips together so as not to give up something we would both be afraid of, but as soon as Ignacio lifted me with his strong hands and moved inside me, it was inevitable. And I didn't mind.

It was the most personal bond I've ever had with a man. And I didn't regret a single second.

Feeling Ignacio's hands on my waist was a beautiful feeling. I wanted to hold him and kiss him wherever I could, and I tried in vain. Then I just rested my head on his shoulder and adjusted to his movements.

,,It's alright? Do you like it?"

The sentence sounded so strange to me. I smiled. Why wouldn't I? Of course I like it, why shouldn't it? But I understood why he asked and I was grateful to him for that. But I couldn't get more than a nod. I focused on my breath because I was afraid I would soon run out. And not just because of physical exertion. He himself took it from me without doing anything.

He moved slowly and took his time. He didn't want to rush anything, and neither did I. I didn't know how long I would last, but I was afraid it wouldn't take long. That everything will be behind me in a moment just because I had no experience in this. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, Ignacio stopped moving and stopped me. I raised my head and looked at him questioningly, but he immediately pressed his lips to mine and we killed some time like this by learning other interesting tricks with tongue from him. I blushed when I found out what had occurred to him, and apparently noticed it even in the dark. His eyes lit up enthusiastically every time something upset me in this way, but not in a negative way.

When Ignacio admitted that there was enough kissing, he rolled me onto my back and knelt between my legs. I felt silly like this. Him seeing me from a greater distance now, but it was just a silly feeling for a few seconds. He lifted my leg and kissed my ankle several times before asking me quietly if I wanted to. I nodded eagerly, though I didn't quite understand what he meant, but when he entered me again, but more intensely, I gasped and had to put my hand in front of my mouth to keep from screaming. It was great at first, but this was much more predatory, and Ignacio's blows took my breath here and there, but I had to try not to moan anymore, otherwise I would sound like an animal.

After a few blows, he leaned over me anyway and began kissing his neck. He stroked my thigh, which he kept holding, as if it was something he just couldn't let go of at any cost. I wanted to feel his lips so much again, and when the opportunity came again, it was suddenly one of the hardest things ever. I was glad that I could still breathe regularly, and in connection with long kisses, I swallowed the air during the breaks as if I had emerged from the underwater.

I was no longer the only one of us moaning and breathing hard. All we had to do was press my face against him and listen to him whisper with heavy breath that it was all right. That he loves me and that he wants to be with me. But I was already exhausted and could at least repay him by kissing him on the cheek and hugging him tightly. It was also the moment when I felt a strange pressure in my lower abdomen, but he already knew what it meant. And I let Ignacio know.

,,Really? Because me too… ”

I was about to force him to come closer. To be tougher, because the desire was indescribable. But it wasn't necessary because he knew exactly what to do and what it was like. And just as I cried out and pulled him close as hard as I could and dug my fingernails into his shoulders, I felt him pulsate inside me and hold on to me with the same eagerness as I did his. Except Ignacio has a lot more strenght than I do.

"I'm sorry ... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." he apologized as I moaned in pain.

"Don't apologize ... thank you." I whispered and kissed him again.

I expected him to fall asleep right away or me, but that was not the case. We took a shower together, which was another erotic experience which I only could imagine and lay down next to each other in bed, just holding eachother. Ignacio was usually always very tight, and he didn't seem to be able to relax even in his sleep. Now it was just the opposite, and seeing him so calm and relaxed made me happy. He kept asking me if I was in pain and if I liked it and I nodded and answered in the affirmative. And it was true ... I only wanted to experience this feeling with him because I felt that way. I was so seduced in my head that I didn't really care about everything else.

I wish this moment would last forever.


End file.
